Vivian Zhu aka XXnaivivxx recounts struggle with pregnancy and postpartum depression

While fans were anxiously waiting for the return of Vivian Zhu aka XXnaivivxx on Youtube, the California based Vlogger was undergoing the toughest experience in her life last year.

The YouTuber who recently gave birth to a son, has recounted her struggle with pregnancy and postpartum in an Instagram post.

Vivian Zhu had shared the post on the beginning of 2020 with an aim to let her followers know what she went through in 2019.

Check out her Instagram post here:

“2019 was INSANE to say the least. Just when I thought 2018 was crazy, 2019 was even crazier. Am I even ready for 2020?! 2019 was all about building my little family. I started off the year in the best shape of my life & on Jan 6 I found out I was pregnant. It was a surprise but after much thought, we decided to keep our baby. Pregnancy was not an easy or smooth journey for me. Although there were some abnormal ultrasound findings and I struggled with gestational diabetes, I somehow managed to stay positive. Labor and delivery was the most intense experience I’ve ever endured. It took everything out of me, mentally, physically and emotionally. With so many complications, (pre-eclampsia & hemorrhaging, just to name two) I left feeling the weakest I’ve ever been.
Postpartum was probably more rough than pregnancy and labor/delivery. I was, and still am, struggling with postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression and PTSD on top of the regular adjustment to my new role as a mom. Throw Bell’s Palsy into the mix and my world was turned completely upside down. I couldn’t make sense of all my emotions, thoughts and feelings and it definitely took a toll on my relationship with everyone else. Slowly, I am combing through every thought, feeling, and emotion and I’m slowly starting to make sense of it.

I want to thank Simon, for being so patient and understanding even when I’m not pleasant to be around. I want to thank Steph for being such a big supporter through my labor/delivery and postpartum hardships. Thank you to Kelly, for taking all my random venting phone calls and just being there to listen when I’m completely broken down. Thanks to all my mama friends out there who have talked to me and made me feel “normal”. For being able to relate to my crazy thoughts and feelings and making me feel like someone was going through all this with me. Thank you to all our family and friends who show us, and especially Kayden, so much love and support in the past year. Although it’s been a crazy year, I wouldn’t have it any other way. We somehow got so lucky and ended up with the chunkiest and cutest little dude. Can’t wait for what 2020 will bring us! “

View this post on Instagram

2019 was INSANE to say the least. Just when I thought 2018 was crazy, 2019 was even crazier. Am I even ready for 2020?! 2019 was all about building my little family. I started off the year in the best shape of my life & on Jan 6 I found out I was pregnant. It was a surprise but after much thought, we decided to keep our baby. Pregnancy was not an easy or smooth journey for me. Although there were some abnormal ultrasound findings and I struggled with gestational diabetes, I somehow managed to stay positive. Labor and delivery was the most intense experience I’ve ever endured. It took everything out of me, mentally, physically and emotionally. With so many complications, (pre-eclampsia & hemorrhaging, just to name two) I left feeling the weakest I’ve ever been. Postpartum was probably more rough than pregnancy and labor/delivery. I was, and still am, struggling with postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression and PTSD on top of the regular adjustment to my new role as a mom. Throw Bell’s Palsy into the mix and my world was turned completely upside down. I couldn’t make sense of all my emotions, thoughts and feelings and it definitely took a toll on my relationship with everyone else. Slowly, I am combing through every thought, feeling, and emotion and I’m slowly starting to make sense of it. I want to thank Simon, for being so patient and understanding even when I’m not pleasant to be around. I want to thank Steph for being such a big supporter through my labor/delivery and postpartum hardships. Thank you to Kelly, for taking all my random venting phone calls and just being there to listen when I’m completely broken down. Thanks to all my mama friends out there who have talked to me and made me feel “normal”. For being able to relate to my crazy thoughts and feelings and making me feel like someone was going through all this with me. Thank you to all our family and friends who show us, and especially Kayden, so much love and support in the past year. Although it’s been a crazy year, I wouldn’t have it any other way. We somehow got so lucky and ended up with the chunkiest and cutest little dude. Can’t wait for what 2020 will bring us! 🥰

A post shared by Vivian Zhu (@vzhux3) on

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